Egyptian Marriages - the biggest of all culture crabs! - Episode 2 (The Wedding)

Do you have any idea how much money Egyptians spend on wedding parties alone every year?
I wish i had an exact statistic, but i can solidly say it should be at least a figure of 8 digits ... based on the fact that the single wedding costs thousands of pounds.
Let's elaborate shwaia on the wedding party preparations.
First, there are actually several faces of celebrations related to the wedding.
Usually, the first one is "reading the Fatiha" which is normally done with the attendence of only the close family members, with of course dinner and flowers and "gateaux".
Then, comes the engagement, which a lot of ppl tend to make it a real party, usually in a hotel ... ok, so this means that:
1. They rent a hall in a hotel
2. Make a list of invitees
3. Keep deducting names from the least of the invitees if they exceed their financial limit (coz hotels charge by person, which would be a minimum 150 pounds)
4. The bride has to prpare a nice soiree gawn and the groom a nice suite.
Speak about all the money and effort involved in such an occasion which is for only one night (and according to statistics on my circle of friends alone, 7 of every 10 engaged couples usually break up!)
Next comes Katb el ketab ... which is done in the mosque ... some ppl even set conditions on the mosque itself ... it should be x and not y! Subhannallah!Some ppl have a party celebrating katb el ketab (AGAIN???! ... yes) ... but most ppl just celebrate it privetly afterwards.
Anyways ... here comes the big day ... the wedding ... First there are many many many preparations to be done:
1. The two couples take a tour around all the hotels in the city ... looking at wedding halls, comparing prices, checking menues of food and wedding programs and usually getting frustrated by the results that they might as well just call off the wedding! (Did u know that there are 30% tax on hotel hall rentalS ?)

2. The two couples take a seat, deep breath and start comparing their options. Most of the time accompanied by a a lot of arguing. (worse if parents are there)

3. Make a list of invitees ... but then, usually comes up that they will have to deduct a lot of names again due to financial limits. And here comes the real dilemma ... the bride/groom will be put in a situation when they must satisfy everyone ... of who? the invitees of course ... so: if i don't invite x he will be upset, and if i invite y and x is not there, y is gonna tell x ... so let's invite x and just not invite z!
The funny thing is: most of the invitees of hotel-style weddings are ppl whom the bride and groom hardly know aslan. Coz they are usually old family relatives/friends that the FAMILIES (not the couples) have to invite. While most logical ppl would think in the "closest, closer and then close" perspective, egyptians do not ... so, i as a bride, would rather invite 15 ppl i don't even know their names (but my parents do) than invite 15 of my closest friends who will really make my day happier coz i know they'll be really happy for me not just "attending the wedding of smone's daughter ...nice food ;) "!!!

4. Go to the chosen hotel. Re-check the wedding program by adding/modifying/ deleting items. Food menus are also subject to criticism and "oh! they don't have @#$#? yaaaaaay ... they are so old fashioned" kinda thing!

5. the bride goes for endless shopping hunting a wedding dress that's not like her cousin's who just got married and that's put all the groom's female family members speechless!(Do you know how much a wedding dress costs? THOUSANDS ... do you know how many times one gets to actually wearing? once? Nope :P actually TWICE ... one time "trying it" in a closed room and one time in the wedding itself!

Now we come to the wedding day itself ... check wut happens.
1. Say wedding is at 8 ... ppl start arriving at 9 ... stay for an hour doing nothing put checkig up each other - litteraly speaking : check this girl's dress, that boy looks cute, i have a 22 years old daughter .. how old is your son? 24? Perfect! -Then the couples arrive at roughly 10 pm (2 hours from the fixed time)

2. As they enter the hall, there MUST be "Asmaa Allahu Al Hosna" with the voice of Hesham Abbas at the beginning ... i must have had this more than a hundred times over the past 2 years alone .. in every engagement/katb ketab/wedding! It's simply in the syllabus! And the couples just stand there, everyone looking at them for 10 min. .. 10 min doing nothing, just standing there and putting a silly smile on their faces!

3. zaffa starts(they have to choose out of several types ... alexandrian, Dameyettan, ballet ... etc) .. zaffa is a wedding marche ... (AFTER the previous 10 min. of standing, yes)

4. The couples go and sit in "el kousha" which are two ornamented seats in the middle of the hall. They sit there for not less than other 15 min. doing also nothing but listening to the DJ ... worse: sm girls might decide to show their talents in belly dancing ... well, there's music afterall and nobody seems to be doing anything anyways .. DUH!

5. In some weddings, there's some famous singer in the show. he takes several thousands just for a playback! you'll ask, y not let the DJ play his songs? coz his attendence adds value to the wedding ... ppl would keep speaking about seeing him in X's wedding for weeks! WOW!

6. The wedding planner or coordinator is the hotel representative who says when the program item starts. At some point of the night, he has to go invite the couples to the dance floor. If they refuse, he keeps insisting and insisting and might call for assistance from the attendance to come and drag the bride and groom into the dance floor ... if the groom is solid enough to resist, this might turn into an actual fight between him and the coordinator (and believe me, i've seen it)

7. Another program item is cutting the cake. A wedding is judged based on several criteria. One of them is -believe it or not- how many levels is the cake! in some weddings, it can reach TEN layers! (all of which are fake btw, they are un-eatable .. and only the one that the couples are instructed to cut is the real one) ... The wedding planner (again that provoking guy) would do such a stupid thing as hold a fork (with a piece of the cake of course) between the two couples and asks them to take a bite (again, if they refuse he might as well accuse them of screwing up
"HIS" program) ... it's about 3 min. of funny scene coz the two of them keep getting closer then back and closer and back ... then the wedding-planner/provoker does the quite expected act of pulling away the fork as the bride and groom both get closer to it ... ehem! does anybody know that a man kissing his wife in public is NOT permissible in islam? In one wedding, the groom got fed up with the whole thing, he just pushed away the guy's hand with the fork and kissed the bride and said to the guy "There ... satisfied now?" .... !!!!

There are a lot and a lot of other stupid program items in my bag, but i'm tired of counting. Anyways, you got the whole picture ... just endless time and effort wasted on stupid stuff!
People can still have a happy wedding without all this stuff!

till next episode ... think of other ways to have a happy wedding :)